"im glad that sunday has come because that means its the end of the week." i provide great insight.

but yes, im really glad that this week is over. post-prelims "celebrations" were not even celebrations to begin with and i found myself back facing school yet again. results came back this week. i wasn't very surprised with my bio or gp grade but i have to say i was very upset with both my math and chem grades.

i made a very important self-realization this week. i'm not as optimistic as i think i am. it is important to keep my head up at this moment in time regardless of the fact that i worked relatively hard and failed to get a decent grade. i tell myself time and time again to do so but you know, its tough for me to keep my head up. the competition's there and i am not the type who likes to lose when i know i tried. i'd like to think that i'm good enough if i try. but so far things haven't worked out. i can safely say my ego took a huge bruising this week. i was basically crestfallen for the most part of the week and i'm really glad that this week is pretty much over.

4 weeks to the a levels. i'm not too sure i'm ready for it. physically and mentally.

so i received my math results too and lets just say the results haven't been desirable. ironically math was one of the subjects which i was sort of confident for.

i don't hide the fact that i'm demoralized and pretty much very upset over my grades as can be seen from my previous post. but i guess, there's nothing much i can do. its one of those cases where things go awry and even though i'm sure i studied sufficiently to do decently for both chem and math, it goes to show that there is no such thing as i have studied enough. enough is never enough.

i have been struggling with my faith as well these few months. but i still have that instinct to seek an answer from a higher power when things do not turn out the way it was suppose to. its not to say that woah i'm totally back into the zone and i'm trusting entirely in God but i guess i'm slowly returning back to where i came from.

perhaps this was sort of a wake up call. the funny thing is i thought i was kind of prepared. proved to be wrong. i came home today feeling very motivated. i have to say i am one of the many people who hate losing. i have to say i'm hurt by the fact that i'm lagging behind many people in terms of grades but i guess i will have to suck it in and just do my best, even if my best may not be enough. i actually cleared my table and got down to filing my stuff. i feel more organized. i know i need to work like a mad cow now. i have no choice.

this is really make or break. i have to force myself to get down to work when i come home from sch instead of giving in to the temptation of an afternoon nap or stoning in front of the teevee or com.

looks like i won't be seeing dr cameron anytime soon then. i hope its all worth it. its a long shot but i guess the only thing i can do now is work hard and have a little of that thing called faith.

oh yes, thanks to those who comforted me i know i've been kinda whiny and emo during the past 24 hours or so. i myself never knew i would have been so badly affected by my results. but its ok, i know what i want now. and i'm pretty damn sure i am gonna try everything to attain it, hopefully with a little divine intervention.

life is funny. we are taught many philosophies and theories which are never going to put into practice and most are proven wrong at the end of the day. what goes around comes around, perseverance is key, no one is born a genius etc etc.

then of course there's you reap what you sow.

we all know the logic behind this. you work hard, you get your rewards. you slack, you basically die. but of course like most theories in life, this has of course been proven wrong. how else can you explain the fact that i did so poorly for my chemistry even though i worked my socks, shoes, shirt, pants and underwear off for it. i did my own notes, i tried out many questions on the tys hell i even did research on the internet. but in the end, did my hard work pay off? i don't think so.

it is very very demoralizing, much less to say depressing to work hard and feel confident about something and have the exact opposite happen. i know i'm no genius, and i am definitely not the most hardworking person around. but i would like to think i put in effort into my chemistry. and i'm pretty sure i did.

i know i may sound weak, drama-mama, even useless now but right now, i am on the verge of just giving up entirely. no confidence, no drive, no will. yes, i don't want a repeat of march 2006 but its just so difficult to pick myself up from this. yes, its only one paper. its only one subject. but its THE subject i worked the hardest for and the one i'm most confident of. i am not even gonna think about my other papers.

well at least i know not every single philosophy is wrong. they got 'the higher the hopes, the harder the fall' right.

i've been tagged and since i have no life at the moment i shall gladly do the quiz.

List out your top 5 birthday presents you wish for :
1. 5 As for A levels
2. new ipod
3. PSP
4. i'm easily satisfied i don't think i need 4 and 5. at the moment
5.

The character you love about yourself : realistic
On the contrary, what do you hate about yourself : my procrastination
The most ideal person you would like to be with : a girl who's pretty and smart. LIKE DUH.
What do you want to say to your loved ones : hellooooooo. :)

Pass this quiz to 9 friends whom you wish to know how they feel about you :
1.dominic neo
2.ben siow
3.king dog richard
4.danieltay
5.cuthbertli
6.brendachin
7.deborahlee
8.radhi
9.random tagboard guy/girl

When was the last time you chatted with #3 : today?
What kind of music does #8 like : that's a gd question
Does #6 has any siblings : nooooooo.
Will you woo #3 : NEVER. OMG. THE HORROR. HAHA.
How about #7 : probably.
Is #4 single :yuppa duppa doo.
Surname of #5 : li
Nickname of #1 : walrus, capt 71
What's the hobby for #5 : emoing
Do #5 and 9 get along well :they dont knw each other, bt prolly will if they do
Where is #3 studying at : not studying
Have you tried developing feelings for #1: we support different teams of red.
Where does #9 live : no idea.
What colour does #4 dislike : gd question
Is #1 and 3 best friends : yes.
Does#7 likes #2 : ehhhhhhh.
How do you know #2 : classmate for 2 years.
Does #5 owns a pet :noooope.

i actually didn't intend to blog because since my blog is my homepage, everytime i surf the net, the first thing i see is the beautiful dr allison cameron but unfortunately i am very upset right now because the chances of me playing football for the first time in a month tmr have just gone up in smoke.

i don't know what is it with singapore. i agree with some random taxi uncle when he said that every piece of land singapore has, they will build something over it unless its impossible to build over it. it is almost impossible to find a decent piece of land where there's nothing build over it and where it is actually legal to play football FOR FREE.

i mean seriously, i find singapore quite hypocritical. they want to send a team into the next world cup (some say try 100 world cups later) as in the real one not the robot one i think we have one team there already. as i was saying, they want to send a team into the next world cup but they do not provide playing areas for people to play. yes you become better by training professionally but isn't it obvious that parents here aren't gonna allow their kids to join some football club to compromise their studies? the only way we can get new talents is by providing playing areas for kids to play. brazil didn't become world champions by enrolling every kid into a footballing academy.

anyhoo, that's my rant for the day. i shan't criticize singapore so much since afterall we don't have to deal with corrupted govts, natural disasters or internal riots. just the little gripes in life. ok back to arsenal raping derby.

helloooooooo sexayeees. the prelims are officially over which is absolutely fantastic news but of course lets not forget that there's the a levels coming which is of course absolutely not so fantastic news.

anyhoo, i've mentioned i can't wait for football this weekend. meanwhile i've been wasting my time in front of the computer. well, not exactly wasting considering the fact that i have been equipping myself with medical knowledge. my teacher is none other than dr gregory house and yes, i'm in it more for dr cameron.

yes even though she's attached to that british doctor in the same show (who can resist a sexy british accent) she still makes eyecandy.

nothing beats a hot chick with brains. even if its just for show.

on to more exciting news, although it is rather disappointing news, jose mourinho has agreed to leave chelsea. firstly, i'm not a chelsea fan sooo i can safely say i don't really like him a lot. but how can i not love his attitude? he may not be the most sociable person but everyone loves a guy with attitude. love him or hate him, no one can deny the fact that he is the most successful chelsea manager in the history of the club.

it is so obvious that there has been a clash of egos here between the russian boss and the portugese manager. since the russian boss is the richer one i hate him more and his wealth isn't the only reason for my hatred for him. he may have been ruthless to get himself where he is with bucket loads of money and i believe he should donate some to poor children like me (roman, call me if you want to do some charity). back to the point, being ruthless in this situation has probably led to the downfall of his club. i strongly believe no other manager (yes not even arsene "the prune" wenger or alex "hairdryer" ferguson) can bring the kind of success and team camaraderie mourinho has bought.

i may not like his team and fat frank and occasionally i may not like him but come on, you gotta love his guts.

anyhooo, not to worry. bookmakers are making him the hot favourite to succeed martin jol at tottenham.

so i believe mourinho will be back on our tv screens and newspapers really soon. shebby singh must be delighted.

if all else fails, he can be dr mourinho alongside the acerbic-tongued dr house.

as potent as the yorke-cole partnership of the treble winning season of man utd.

yes i'm so happy because prelims are all but over for me today since the next two days are paper 1s and shading lozenges with alphabets is not considered an examination. not for me at least.

anyhoo, i'm dying for football. the last time i played was almost a month ago. watching tv is not good because when i switch to channels 23, 24, 27 ( which are espn, star sports and football channel respectively for the benefit of those without cable tv. hurr. sad people.) i will feel a strong urge to play football.

i get dreams of playing alongside scholes and giggs. that's how bad it is.

i'm dying for football this weekend. and of course there's the champions league game tmr night. i cannot wait for that too.

papers have been fine. i'm so pissed with myself for solving the stupid complex number question AFTER i finished the paper. 7 marks you know! im just keeping my fingers crossed i don't screw up paper 2 cos paper 1 was done decently. other than that, i think i have an outside chance of passing bio and i hope to do well for econs and chem although both will be a long shot.

right, dinner time. today has been a happy day. mainly because i slept away the afternoon.
ah the bliss in being able to not do anything.

take care, keep up the pace, the war's not won yet.

hurr hurr. first things first, i have to say i don't like cigarettes and smokers. their breath stinks, their teeth are yellow and their lips are perpetually purple. but i respect their decision to puff and kill themselves faster so others will have more oxygen to breathe.

im saying this because i got so disgusted at this guy sitting next to me on the bus. i bet he took a puff before boarding the bus and he sat next to me smelling of tobacco and nicotine. it was soooo disgusting i wanted to puke. i mean come on, there's a reason why mentos and clorets are being sold you know!

anyhoo, i think i'm reaching my so-called "saturation point" for studying. i can't absorb much nowadays and i just want to quit studying for a few days to refresh myself. it has been a hectic few weeks to say the least. and there's still quite a long way to go. on the bright side, 6th oct is about 3 weeks away.

i'm just really tired now. physically more than anything. no wonder they (don't ask me who, its just they) say that if you can clear the a levels, you are ready for the world. ok i made the last part up but you get the idea. despite my "best" efforts, i still have this nagging feeling that at the end of the day, my results are not gonna be entirely desirable. call me skeptical, but i can't help being a skeptic after the o's. all i can do is keep my fingers crossed.

i guess its time to sleep.

hellooooooo. the weekend has arrived. i am still alive. one more week to go before prelims are over. i think i messed up bio and chem paper 2.

hopefully i still can get a decent grade for chem. rarrrh.

afternoon my frisky little penguins.

i come to you alive. not really kicking because i haven't touched a soccer ball in about a week but i've survived about 4 papers already. i came out of each paper thinking i could have probably done better but i guess (hope) i did reasonably well (pass).

gp was alright i guess. i'm not very confident of my compre but at least i'm quite sure i did enough for my AQ this time. chem paper 3 was okay too. i guess chem was the subject i prepared the most for. so i'm really hoping i do well for chem. AT LEAST FOR CHEM.

anyhoo, i'm contemplating abandoning bio to concentrate on chem and math but then, i don't think i have the balls to hand in a blank piece of paper therefore i shall go and read my notes now.

take care everyone, eat your vitamins, study hard (not so hard so i can beat you in the a's :P)

i hate coming online at this hour. its like 10pm to 12am is my emo period if i sit in front of the com. anyhoo, someone just wished me all the best for prelims and said "may God be with you always."

usually, i would say the same thing back to the person but you know, recently, i've been struggling with my religion. for the past few years i've failed to grow closer to God. it almost seems as if i'm just standing there waiting for God to come to me. well actually it is like that. and i didnt feel that connection that people had.

and i didn't like feeling like a hypocrite. on one hand, i'm preaching to people but on the other hand, im going against the very rules that i preach. i try to shrug it off sometimes, heck i even tried to change, but i couldn't do it. it is probably my fault but hey, i can't go on being so hypocritical. i can't stand the fact that i'm trying to introduce someone to something i believe in but i don't adhere to.

right now, im pretty much a disillusioned christian. i very much like to think that at the end of the day, our existence ends the day we go 6 feet under. it would make things a whole lot easier. but i can't simply because there is an undeniable fact that there is a God. maybe one day i will decide that i want to go after this God for real.

not like the last time.
ok prelims tmr. wish me all the best!

tmr is the first day of prelims and of course like everyone else, i'm panicky.


no, not panic at the disco panic,


more of bart simpson omg panic.

3 papers to kick-start prelims. plus i have 1 paper everyday. but at least, i end earlier. like next thurs. hallelujah.

i might give some form of report on how the papers were and the approximate date of my death.

anyhoo, happy birthday dominic neo and huizhen. ok fine prolly only dom reads my blog but nevertheless.

toodles, all the best to everyone taking their prelims.

hellooooooooo.

i have been 'scrubbing' quite often lately because tweekerville has finally uploaded the whole of season 6. and let me tell you scrubs is really the most amazing show. yes, prison break was intricately thought out, heroes is mind-blowing and grey's anatomy is well, just grey and boring, scrubs beats them hands down simply because the character portrayal and underlying issues are all so real.

its so real that somehow i feel that some aspects of JD's life are similar to mine. like how we try so hard to try to get what we want that in the end, we realize we don't really want it. that's just one of it.

anyhoo, i am actually in the 90% mood now so excuse me for being so emo. so toodles peoples, take care, watch scrubs.

so tuesday came and went. i've managed to muster enough strength to do one question of math (HAHA!) and chem paper 1 and 3. which i must admit wasn't very difficult BUT i somehow screwed them up somewhat.

same ol' same ol'.

woke up and the first thing that i did was look out of my window. thank goodness it didn't rain THAT heavily it was just a drizzle. bus ride on 74 was therapeutic to say the least. long bus rides have that effect on me for some weird reason. sitting down, watching life go by with my ipod (nano-turned-shuffle) on. it gives me my space, my time for thinking, for zoning out and of course to look out for girls at the bus stop but that's another story.

meeting up with familiar faces was of course the highlight of the day. its nice to know that despite most of us (save for keith and chen those acjc dogs) facing our prelims when the week ends, we still took the effort to come down to ccab for a game of soccer and reminiscing. rather heartwarming if you ask me.

speaking of soccer, dom claims he has received his calling to fulfill his destiny as singapore's very own cesc fabregas. he played well today but of course, it was my left foot that scored the last 2 goals of the game.

it is gatherings like this that make life a little more bearable as all of us head down our own paths but ultimately toward the same destination. it is friends like this that perhaps, overpowers the gloom of not having a girlfriend (yes i'm single, call me). acs probably didn't provide me with the results i needed but hell they gave me friends who could probably last a lifetime. what more can i ask for?

that said, we return to our daily routine possibly for the next 3 months or so.

i, for one, hope that time could rewind so i can take it all in again.

OH GOSH THIS IS SUCH AN EMO POST.

hello my mischievious little rodents i am back to give everyone of you your fix.

whatever that means.

september holidays are here and it isn't exactly a very holiday-y period with prelims straight after the hols. spent the weekend studying chemistry at national library. eyecandy not-so-aplenty although there was one which clement agreed with. i have to say, clement has very interesting ways to spy on girls like looking through book shelves. which is sheer brilliance. i must learn the ways of the master.

anyhoo, studying at the library or the hans outside the library to be exact has been rather good. i get things done and meals are normally very good on the stomach but of course guilt sets in after i reach home and look at my fat but empty wallet AND stomach.

okay i'm off to study for a bit. come on tuesday! :)